Tossing and Turning

 

Recently I switched VA clinics.  My doctor had moved away and I was left with a nurse practitioner who took it upon herself to cancel all my prescriptions.  I looked OK to her.  The state is divided in half in a weird way, so that I'm left on the line that divides the two jurisdictions.  The new clinic, not being in the same system, had no record on my prescription history.  For a while I limped along on what I had left the last time I was able to get a refill.  But now I'm out of meds.  Totally and completely out.  Thanks airhead.  

This is not the first time this has happened.  A few years ago I couldn't get a refill of a sleeping pill.  My sleep situation is due to a neurological disorder that can cause all sorts of chaos, one of them being narcolepsy.  One would think, oh, so that would mean there is no need of sleeping pills.  Just do whatever it is you do that brings on a seizure.  But the reality is that the whole sleep picture is deranged, sometimes causing sudden loss of consciousness, and sometimes causing insomnia.  This insomnia is no joke, and has sometimes lasted as long a five days without any sleep.  By that time I've begun to hallucinate.  There is zero sympathy for people with sleep disorders.  Do you suddenly lose consciousness? someone will ask.    Well other people drag around tired that would like to take a nap.  I should too!  But this is not voluntary.  The narcolepsy is just like being put under anesthesia.  So quit drinking! people have said, even though no drugs or alcohol are causing it.   The one and only thing that helps at all is a low carb diet.   And sleep medication.  Sometimes doctors have tried methamphetamines.  That does help prevent sudden unconsciousness, but then I also can't sleep at all for a couple of days.  So I don't take the methamphetamines, but I do take a mild sedative at night.  Well, I did until the nurse practitioner cancelled my prescription.  So now I've been awake for two days.  I'm too wobbly to drive or do any of the things I need to do.  Mrs. Billingsley has had all this explained to her and says she understands.  So when is breakfast?  You should see the panic when Mrs. Billingsley doesn't get breakfast.  And it's not like I can drive to McDonalds and pick up an Egg McMuffin.  It's too risky to drive in this condition.  In fact, I went for most of my life hiding the narcolepsy and pretending that I was just incredibly lazy and irresponsible, for fear of losing my driver's license.  This reached a critical level when I was in the military.  "Where were you today?" I would be asked.  In reality I had had a seizure.  What I responded was, "What do you mean?" pretending to imagine I had the day off.  Insanely, I would get away with that, since they just didn't want to arrest me.  People conclude when they notice someone hallucinating that they have severe psychological problems.  Neurons misfiring?  Whoever heard of that?  It's a messed up situation that there is zero tolerance for.   "What do you think about when you lie awake at night unable to sleep?" a doctor once asked.  Well, I imagine he had jumped to the conclusion that I was reliving the time over and over endlessly when Mrs. Billingsley gave Charlotte a cookie and refused to give me one.  "I'm thinking, 'Why am I still awake?  Why can't I fall asleep?'"  I  answered.  

I've been calling my new clinic in a panic trying to get the prescription renewed for sleeping medication, and trying to explain the situation.  Finally last Tuesday the clinic called and said that the doctor had prescribed the sleeping medication.  They would be mailing it in around two weeks.  Yikes.  When the bitter end of my pill supply came I began to call the pharmacy, trying to enlighten them about the urgency of the need for this prescription.  Well, what did they do?  They transferred me to the suicide hotline.  I didn't know I was talking to the suicide hotline, and the suicide hotline assumed that I had called them to get help with my "suicide attempt."  I started to become very annoyed, and told the suicide hotline that I was doing my best to remain calm with them but don't be surprised to take the brunt of what can happen when I lose my temper.  It was only then that they came to understand that I had reached them by calling the VA pharmacy and a VA bimbo had transferred me to the suicide hotline, not even a part of the VA.  From there I would be routed over to a mental institution for in care treatment of my mental disorder before some tragedy occurred.   The people at the suicide hotline were actually doing everything they knew how to do to deescalate the unhinged one in a kind way.   So I admitted defeat with my attempt to get my prescription refilled and thanked them and hung up.  

And the VA wins.