Mondays with Mrs. Billingsley

 

I think it all started with buying watermelon.   I bought little watermelons,  about a pound bigger than personal size.  The last time I bought one, a generous Walmart driver brought me a large size watermelon.   It was really a bargain.  However, the problem is, Mrs. Billingsley goes off the rails if she exceeds her carb limit.  

It took three hours to get her settled down.  "Watermelon watermelon," she cried out.   911 was called.   She was so over the top I told her she couldn't keep having days like this or she would go to the nursing home.  This didn't register as problematic for her.  

I'm not buying any more watermelon right now.  I found a 0 carb watermelon flavored drink she might like.  I doubt it though.  I'll like it, anyway.  

UPDATE

Mrs. Billingsley fell for the third time in one day.  She wasn't injured but she couldn't get up and I couldn't pick her up.  So I called 911.  They showed up around twenty minutes later.  However, this case had been turned over to the authorities.  Why?  Suspicious?  So the sheriff came calling.  Maybe I needed to organize better, he suggested.  OK, you think?  He looked around and saw a mountain of boxes in the kitchen.  "I usually burn the boxes, but I don't like to burn boxes when there is no rain."  Who is the disabled veteran plate for? he asked.  That would be me.  The VA may have housekeeping help available.  I told him that they used to provide a housekeeper but they cut back on that.  He seemed to feel that he might be able to steer me in the right direction with getting help with housekeeping.  I suppose that would be a good idea.  

I lectured Mrs. Billingsley about the perils of having her case escalate to the point of the sheriff stopping by.  "They were not alarmed at your care, but they did ask me if I had considered a nursing home for you."  I warned her to not take the risks with possibly falling that she had taken today - three times.  I had already warned her over and over.  I don't feel that she understands the nursing home looming in her future.  I don't feel they would mistreat her, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it.   I think it would be something like going to jail.  Probably the food would be even worse than in jail.  She's not on any drugs right now, but I bet she would be in the nursing home.  

I tried the watermelon drink..."Waterloo watermelon sparkling water."  I don't taste much watermelon flavor.  If the drink didn't say watermelon on the label, I wouldn't guess it was a watermelon drink.  This probably won't impress Mrs. Billingsley.   Keep searching I guess. 

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Moon Phases for September

 Mon

Tue

Wed

Thu

Fri

Sat

 

1

Waxing Gibbous

2

Waxing Gibbous

3

Waxing Gibbous

4

Waxing Gibbous

5

Waxing Gibbous

6

Waxing Gibbous

7

Full Moon

8

Full Moon

9

Waning Gibbous

10

Waning Gibbous

11

Waning Gibbous

12

Waning Gibbous

13

Waning Gibbous

14

Waning Gibbous

15

Last Quarter

16

Waning Crescent

17

Waning Crescent

18

Waning Crescent

19

Waning Crescent

20

Waning Crescent

21

Waning Crescent

22

New Moon

23

Waning Crescent

24

Waxing Crescent

25

Waxing Crescent

26

Waxing Crescent

27

Waxing Crescent

28

Waxing Crescent

29

First Quarter

30

First Quarter

Nose and Ankle Improve!!

 

Today my ankle isn't as achy as it was yesterday.  Maybe it's going to get better.  

Also, my nose isn't stuffy today.  

 

But wait.   One of my toes is injured, on the same foot as my injured ankle.  What happened to my foot? 

OVER-65? 5 Ways to AVOID NURSING HOMES Forever

Nursing Homes

Is life expectancy shorter for those in a nursing home?  The answer is yes, by about 47 months.   At least according to articles I've read about it.   Are people sent to nursing homes for their health?  I suppose not much for their health as due to the fact that at some point it can be difficult to impossible to care for the elderly.  It seems to be a time honored solution if worse comes to worse.   Mostly though,  if people are actually paying out of pocket, they find another way, since it costs at least $7000 a month.  What does that buy?  A bed that gets tended to, meals in a mess hall type dining experience or maybe in one's room, probably a TV in the room, a roommate, laundry,  probably some entertainment like bingo.  Unfortunately many of one's fellow residents will be suffering from dementia which I think would be a negative for social connections, not to mention general poor health.  So is this the end of the road?  Maybe.  It sounds a lot like incarceration.   There is a tendency to think that this solution is standard.  I don't feel that it's a good solution, just an option of last resort.   A big deal is made of the impact of smoking on health, causing a loss of maybe 10 years of life expectancy.   But 47 months is four years.  That's a lot.  Yet there isn't much bleating about the loss of life due to going to a nursing home.  

Mrs. Billingsley used to say, "When I get very old, I just want to do what the eskimos do.  Get taken out in the wilderness to freeze or something."  So she said.  I don't know that the eskimos ever did that anyway.  Maybe a few meanies.  Probably granny wandered off and they couldn't find her.  She would say that to avoid making any sort of plan.  Once my sister's employer offered to give her nursing home insurance free of charge.  She had to sign up for it.  She absolutely refused to take the insurance, believing, I think, it would be her get out of jail free card to not have nursing home insurance.  What's the fastest way to get sent to a nursing home?  I've read that incontinence is extremely hard for caregivers to deal with, especially fecal incontinence.  Then comes the cognitive impairment.   Goodness, that's tough.   The elderly are inclined to make up stories about mischief that never actually happened, or to be victims of people that take advantage of them.  And another problem with taking care of the elderly is that they can't or shouldn't drive, can't walk and are often prone to falling.  Not everyone can lift an adult if they fall.  

What does Mrs. Billingsley do that keeps her in the pink?  I would say the number one thing she does is to eat a low carb diet.  Why do I think this helps?  I can only speculate, but I would guess that the closer one can be to ketosis, the more stable the glucose supply to the brain.  The brain is probably 90% of the battle with the decline in old age.  Therefore, it needs to be fed.  The brain actually takes a surprising amount of nourishment, about a quarter of the average caloric intake.  

 

My Ankle Hurts!!

 

My ankle hurt this morning when I woke up.  Strange.  I didn't remember anything happening to it.  The ankle bone was painful to touch.  It felt like a big bruise, but I saw no bruise.  

OK fine.  As the day went on it seemed to get worse.  ???   Was my leg about to fall off?   It felt like someone had whacked my ankle with a hammer.  Who knows?  Maybe they did.  It just seems like an injury with this much pain would have registered when it was injured.  

I've started considering other reasons than hitting myself with a hammer for the ankle pain.  It doesn't feel like arthritis.  It feels like I dropped a bowling ball on it.  Did a poisonous snake bite me?  A venomous spider?  I think it would be swollen if that had happened.   It isn't discolored.  

Maybe it will feel better tomorrow.  Maybe it will feel worse.  It feels a lot worse than it felt yesterday.   I'm doomed.  

At the Beauty Shop

 

I went to the beauty shop today.   I had gotten knots in my hair.  After the knots were combed out and my hair was washed,  I suggested we do the styling another day.  So that's the plan. 

Mrs. Billingsley Goes Kayaking

 

This evening I went to see if Mrs. Billingsley wanted ice cream.  She was having a conversation with thin air.  I asked her who she was talking to, since lately she's begun to have imaginary friends.  This one was the man that made her her new kayak.  

Yes, she'd like ice cream. 

Another few weeks and she'll have her birthday.  I ordered a sugar free cake mix and sugar free frosting for her.  We'll see.  

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Mrs. Billingsley's Friend Calls

 

Mrs. Billingsley's friend Janet called but there was a problem with the phone line and it didn't connect.   I called her back on my cell phone to let her know we'd call later when the phones were repaired.  

I don't know what evil genie convinced me to do that.   I didn't want to get into a conversation with Janet because those conversations don't really go well.   But I knew already another conversation like that would happen because Janet would latch onto the phone and steer the conversation in that direction.  And so it was.  

Janet asked about Mrs. Billingsley.  She's OK.   "Can she still read?"  ??  I wondered where that came from.  She began to express concern about Mrs. Billingsley's hygiene.  "Well, she doesn't walk well, so I bring a dishpan of warm water and a washcloth out to her..."   This seemed to serve the purpose.   Janet wasn't satisfied.   Did I know what baby wipes were???  Yes...   She told me about how they can be used for more than babies.  Oh???   She began to lecture me about not flushing them because they would stop up the plumbing.  "Does your mother know not to flush them?"  

Eventually she moved on to another great concern.  Was Mrs. Billingsley getting enough protein?  I would say the big problem is that Mrs. Billingsley just doesn't eat much.   Janet began to lecture me on what protein is.  "Steak is protein...."  "Ground beef is protein...   Eggs are protein.  Tuna is protein..."  She became euphoric about how I could easily buy tuna in cans.  "You can make tuna salad out of tuna...."   "Does she like cheese?  She could eat cheese..."   "I usually give her a protein drink," I said.  That was a mistake.  

She moved on to the subject of her relatives.   One great example came to mind, which was her niece Laura.  She went into a tizzy at that point.  "You've already told me all about that!!"  I wondered what she could tell me about my experience.   The part about eleven police cars in my yard with sirens and lights, sent by Laura to have me arrested?  There are only eleven police cars in this county.   The way they raided my house without a warrant because I was asleep in bed?  The broken bones I suffered when I was dragged outside in my underwear?  This was not sleep, according to Laura.  This was a drug induced stupor!  She should know!  Her husband is a doctor!   They were putting me in handcuffs, when I asked why they were doing all this.  "You took your mother's Tramadol!" one of them shrieked.   "What?  No I didn't."  And suddenly, sanity returned and the whole raid ended.  

Janet moved on to her eye condition.  I felt a wave of relief that she might calm down.   I asked her what the condition was.  "An eye condition!!" she snapped.  She has to have shots in her eyes.  She has to go out of town for the shots.   But she wasn't becoming calmer.  She seemed to have just gotten started.   

I have given Janet a long leash because of probable dementia, but unfortunately, this seems to have encouraged her.    I told Mrs. Billingsley about the call.  "Your friend Janet has apparently come down with rabies," I said.   I'm not doing any more Janet medicine.  

Watermelon for Dinner

 

I told Mrs. Billingsley today that soon it will be September.  I mentioned that yesterday too.   This means summer will be ending.  And when summer ends?  No more watermelon.   It will be out of season.   "Oooooohhhh noooooo!!!!" she said.  So she went into a panic about watermelon.   "If we have to, we'll have it flown in from Argentina!" I vowed.   

And so I made a shopping list, with watermelon at the top.   I told Mrs. Billingsley that I ordered all the watermelon that Walmart has.   So we're safe for the moment.